Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Awkward Celebrity Encounters

I'm sure most of you have heard my ridiculous Sara Quin encounter, where I hopped out of a car in the street and ran up to her, awkwardly attempting to start a conversation. Well, my friends, I've done it again.

At the movie theater last night, I turned the corner from the bathroom only to see:

Although in reality it was more like:

I bumbled for a moment before retreating back to the safety of the darkened theater.

Celebrity encounters are strange. We have a feeling of comfort and familiarity with those we see on screen, yet seeing them in person is an entirely alien experience. They have no clue who we are, and we know so much of them. It leaves you with a desire to speak to them, but difficulty in deciding what to say, especially since it's usually a random situation where you have but a moment to make a decision.

I rely on the following steps to create the perfect awkward celebrity encounter.

1. Shock

In this first step, I usually have a quick realization that a celebrity is near. If it's someone I care little about, like Moka Only, the process will stop at this step and I will go on with my day. If it's one I respect/admire, let the awkwardness commence.

2. Get their attention

This will be a sudden, jarring move. Either a blurted out comment, with little cognitive intelligence behind it, or an unexpected physical movement. Either way, be sure to get the celebrity's attention and catch them off guard. Often at this stage, their eyes widen and their mouths open.

3. Embarrassment

Here is where I make contact with the celebrity. Approach them quickly, don't anticipate your steps but rather let them come as they wish, weave to and fro if necessary, it adds to the excitement. Attempt to touch them if possible, or speak whatever comes to your mind, regardless of whether it's logical or not. Treat them as if they are an old friend, and when they seem dumbfounded, become flushed and move to the last step.

4. Escape

Here I often turn and run away from the subject. They are usually still stunned by the entire experience, so will likely be less aware of your actions. You will be free shortly after this step.

5. Storytime

Now you will return to your safety zone with family or friends, and explain to them in great detail, over and over again, the encounter you just had. Be sure to speak quickly, and if possible tap your leg as you speak. The anxiety is normal, and will lessen over the following hour or two.

Congratulations, you have successfully had an awkward celebrity encounter. Please feel free to comment on your own as they undoubtedly come up.


  1. I'll comment!

    Me and Kev met Rachael Lea Cooke and Kevin asked her out. (she said no)

    I met Slash in England and he signed my guitar and peed in front of me

    I stood beside Dushku, said "hi" then almost peed.

    Robin Williams dropped in at a comedy club and stood next to Kev and I and said we were dot-commers... and a whole bunch of other unfunny stuff...

    I exchanged hello's with Andy from Conan Obrien on Robson street...

    I exchanged hello's with Josh Jackson at Boston Pizza... was going to buy him a beer... but then realized he makes more than me and decided not to.

    I ran past Dushku on the sea wall and shared that "runners" nod as we passed.

    I think that's all my "randoms" run ins....

  2. Mika and I were on the Skytrain with Joshua Jackson one morning on the way to the dentist. Mika thought he was following us.

    When Mika was a baby I ran into Luke Perry in the West End and he said "Cute baby."

    I walked by this old guy that I thought worked at my bank. I waved and said hello in passing then realized it was Ben Kingsley.

    One morning while walking to work I walked by Gwenyth Paltrow on Robson Street. She was jay walking.

    I sold a shirt to Anna Clumsky from that My Girl movie when I worked at World of Animation on Robson Street.

    At the same animation store, I sold some other useless item to Paula Abdul. We were about the same height.

    Ellery, Kev and I walked by the White Spot on Thurlow and saw Selena Gomez and I went in and harrassed her for an autograph and photo for Mika.

    I used to randomly see Maestro Fresh Wes on Davie street at least once a week.

    I saw Moka Only walking around Cap College once when I was taking animation.