Monday, January 26, 2009

To buy or not to buy...

So if there's anything we can thank George Bush over it's the economic crash. And the thanks comes solely because quarter-aged kids like myself are back on the eligibility list of mortgage applications... potentially. I had basically ruled out the idea of owning property in the next ten years, but with the recent real estate crash, I thought I may as well look into it. So I did! I got myself my own little Realtor, and a mortgage broker! I feel so growed up. On top of that, I actually got pre-approved for a ridiculously high mortgage, with monthly and interest payments that I'd never want to spend! So I'm looking more around the $250,000 range. To my shock, there are quite a few, some of which even blocks from where I live now, in the West End!! So I'm meeting with my Realtor, Travis, tonight to go over my options.

Where-in lies the problem? You may ask. Or you may not care at all. But I'm going to tell you because you've read this far... well my friends, I have no 'cash'. Apparently the days of 0% down are out the window. So now I have to sneak and lie my way around it because my family also has no 'cash'. Cash doesn't really need to be in quotes, I'm being literal. I make strange grammatical choices. So my dad's idea was this:

Dad: "Listen up, kid. You don't need a down-payment. We can just make a fictional one, and you can pay the sellers your fictional 5%, and be on your way."

Me: "But daddy, I don't understand."

Dad proceeds to draw me a simple diagram. Say the house costs $250,000. Say I get approved for $250,000 (which I have been) but the lender still requires that I come up with my 5% (about $12,500) just to prove I'm responsible and capable of handling and saving money or some shit. So I tell the bank the property I want to purchase is $262,500, but I've already come up with the down payment, and I only need the remaining $250,000. I get my loan, the people get their money, the bank gets my interest payments, and I got a place! The only finagling is the incorrect sale price on the documents, and the increased sales tax I'll have to pay on the higher price. But hey, it's better than nothing. Now I just have to consult lawyers to see how illegal this is...

Me: "Ooooooooooooh. I get it. Sweet!"

That was my dad's way of not helping me with a down payment ;)

If some of you thought that post was boring and required too much math, just think of what it'll do for your brain age! Other brief life updates:

1. Tried to buy new jeans, found none I liked. Buying jeans sucks. I got two new bras instead. Boooring.
2. This weekend is my first and likely only "Stag-Style Whistler!" falling conveniently during winter Pride. Hehe. (Actually was a coincidence). Also I'm bringing twister. 10 dudes and 2 dykes. What a stag it will be!
3. I'm applying to complete my Associates Degree so I have a better chance of attaining work Visa's in other countries, particularly the US. I have about 3/4 of my required courses done from the random 2 years of college I did after high school. I'm gonna learn about stuff and stuff!
4. Durka attained a new nickname "Boots". The origin is still undetermined (as far as I'm aware).
5. Ellery ate off a random dude's chopsticks at lunch today.
6. My "Let's go to the Mall" Robin Sparkles cover will roll into production starting tonight.
7. I tried to hook up in the truck on the ferry. It was awkward and failed. Ferry guys walk around the decks way too often.

Love Jenn!


  1. Ellery ate off a random guy's chopsticks? Gross.

  2. Hah... yeah. But I took a careful look at the dude and he didn't have cold sores.

  3. Durka Boots was a name that Indy's roommate's xboyfriend called me... i thought it as cute. But it seems everyone else thinks it refers to my size 32F boobies...